"Oh my God, what have we done!?"

It's final! There's no turning back... even if we wanted to. What in the world were we thinking? I went downtown this afternoon with our Brazilian liason, Matthew and Marlon and signed all the birth certificates of our adoptive children. All of the kids now have our name on their birth certificates, they're notarized and it's final. The picture above is a joke by the way. We actually have pictures of us smiling and holding all of the birth certificates but I felt like posting this one instead. Why, you may ask? Because this is the way we really felt. On a day that we should be shouting for joy and breathing a sigh of relief we were feeling a little overwhelmed. I think it finally hit me that I have 5 additional children. 5 more mouths to feed. 5 additional bodies to house and clothe. 5 more people who are going to need attention from Dad. Wow... this is my life now. Let me back up a little bit...

The day started out with me having to settle a dispute between Marlon and Matthew. This happens about 1,000 times per day. They are constantly at each other about something. It never comes to blows, just the normal bickering, but it still wears on you as a parent. Also it seems like you are in constant discipline mode and this has really worn me out. If you know my parenting style you know that I'm very laid back, yet my kids know their limits and I think we have done a good job parenting our 3 biological children. But with our 5 adoptive children they haven't had any boundries or limits so we are in discipline mode 24/7. This is really wearing on me because as a parent I just want to be a good example, serve God, live life, have fun, laugh and if a discipline situation arises... just deal with it then get back to doing what we do. But for the last month it's been discipline. discipline, discipline... definitely not my style. But I know that it is necessary if we are expecting our kids to act right. It's very tiring though. Also, Michael was still sick today. He got up for a little bit this morning, just long enough for all the little kids to put stickers all over his face (see the pic)... he's a trooper. When it came time to go to get the birth certificates changed Matthew and Marlon were the 2 I took with me while MJ stayed back at Betania with all the other kids and my in-laws. As the liason picked me up, he informed me that the place he found for us to stay in Rio (we have to stay there for 4 days while waiting for the kids visas) will cost us 900 reais per day! That's more than were paying for 42 days here in Curitba. So, to say the least we are going to try and find something on our own. Please pray for us... for favor and wisdom. We then had to go to 3 different places in the city to get all of the birth certificates changed. This cost a couple hundred reais, then I had to pay 1250 reais for the kids passports. Then on top of that our liason told me we were going to have to pay $1,900.00 for their visas in Rio... it got to be a little overwhelming... When I got back to Betania it was time for dinner and for the kids to get in the shower. After the kids went to bed, MJ and I were talking about all the changes that are going to take place when we get home. Our home isn't childproof yet, we're neat freaks and this will have to change if we are going to maintain our sanity, we're going to have to fence in the yard (probably electric! just kidding) right away or else our kids will be escaping every chance they get. They're probably going to want to throw stuff in our koi pond, they'll probably get finger prints on our stainless steel appliances, they'll probably touch all MJ's decorations, they'll probably want to chase our dogs all over the house. We won't be able to just pack up the family and head to Wal-Mart at the drop of a hat anymore. Our friends will probably change because who wants to hang out with someone with this many kids?... do you see why we're feeling this way? We've thought about all this stuff before but now it's crunchtime. We're going to be home in 11 days. There's no turning back... wait a minute while I finish hyperventilating... OK, that's better.

But seriously, as I was sitting here all alone, slumped over, holding my bald head in my hands, looking at the floor... I just quietly called out to the Lord. This wasn't our idea. This was His. Father, I trust you. I depend on you. I turn this all over to you. Then it hit me... As long as I try and handle the pressure on my own it's going to be more difficult than it needs to be. He isn't calling us to do something that's easy... but He also isn't calling us to do something impossible. He isn't calling us to do something that doesn't require sacrifice... but he also isn't calling us to do something that has no reward. There will be obstacles and there will be days when we have a lot of questions but one thing for sure... God is faithful. He will never let us down. He will never lead us to do something that doesn't have a better end then the beginning. No matter what my head is screaming... God is faithful! I have no choice but to trust and rely on Him. If I can't do it through Him... I don't want to do it anyway. You know something? There are some times when you have to encourage "yourself" in the Lord. You know what I mean? So, whatever trials come through this thing... we're going to count it all joy. So, to answer my own question at the beginning of this blog..."oh my God, what have we done?'... We've done exactly what He's asked us to do... reach beyond our comfort zone and make a difference.

Love ya,

Jim and Mary Jane